I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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