nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
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