I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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