It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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