I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
