Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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