The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
