I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
worst night to have a conscience
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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