I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just want nice things and good sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
