threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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