So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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