a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
