I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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