I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
