did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
