defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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