all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
