That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
