you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize