I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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