i just google imaged poop.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
