So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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