Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
