Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
even my farts smell like vagina
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i now understand why vodka
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
