Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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