All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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