is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
