sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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