things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
