You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
