the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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