I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
