I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
