a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
