She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
