I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
