So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
