I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
