I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
