And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
