Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
