I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
