I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
