I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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