White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
