You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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