Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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