So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
