We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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