So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
