So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
