He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
