I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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