I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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