Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
