If i come over, it means nothing
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think your dad took our porno
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
