I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
