Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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