This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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