I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
