omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
