Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
