Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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