proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize