I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
