Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
