sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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