Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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