and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
