I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
