hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
