I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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