Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
