Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
