Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
