i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You ruined the universe
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
