she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
