shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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