He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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