hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
