Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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