you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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